(Disclaimer: Not all photos in this post are mine for obvious reasons.)
Mom didn't like having her picture taken. If the occasion called for it, she was okay with it, but candid photos she was much, much less enthused about.
She struggled, as many women do, with her body image, so she preferred to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. So having a candid shot of her was unusual.
That's why the pictures I took of her in the last several years of her life are so precious to me. Having this handful of pictures is a reminder that our time is limited. It is precious. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so let's make the most of today.
Today is July 10. Four years ago, at approximately 5 a.m., I got a phone call that shattered my world and would lead to a bit of an identity crisis for me. Just 5 days prior, Mom had been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. We'd spoken on the phone the evening of July 9th, and Mom kept saying how tired she was. I told her to get some rest and I would talk to her the next day.
The next day never came. That call on July 9th was the last time I talked to my mom in this life.
Grief never fully heals. You just get used to its presence. The smallest thing can break the wound wide open. It's okay if it does. We're human. Let it happen. It's not a weakness to feel that pain again. It's strength - the strength to admit we're in pain, to admit we're at a loss, to admit we're vulnerable.
Every journey is different. Don't let anyone tell you how you should grieve. They're not you. But don't walk that journey alone. Don't be afraid to reach out for help.
And don't forget to take the pictures.
Picture 1: Mom and Dad's Wedding, February 1, 1969
Picture 2: My baptism, March 1975
Picture 3: Mom, Dad & Me, 1976
Pictures 4-6: Mom at Niagara Falls, June 2018
Picture 7: Mom & 2 of her grandkids, June 2018
Picture 8: Mom and my kitty Intrepid, 2018
Picture 9: Mom & siblings, October 2019. This would be the last time the four of them were photographed together.
Picture 10: Mom looking over the falls from the observation tower at Niagara, June 2018. This is probably one of my favorite pictures of her.
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